Making dinner.

As it turns out, I’m bad at a lot of things. I know… The truth hurts. In addition to driving, I’m bad at studying, Pilates and cooking. Yes, cooking. It’s not just that I can’t fillet a salmon or dress a turkey… It is a far deeper and more shocking ignorance.

Today I decided to be a nice daughter and make dinner. I started my pasta and cheese sauce dish– with peas on the side– a half hour before my parents were due home.

The frozen peas package said to boil them in water. I got out a little pan, threw in some water and set the stove top to high. I also filled a larger pan with water and followed suit for the pasta. Then I went about my business of doing laundry. About five, ten, fifteen?? minutes later, I heard a weird noise coming from the kitchen, accompanied by a foul smell.

Honestly, I wasn’t too worried. How much could I fuck up boiling water? I wandered out to the kitchen and TO MY SURPRISE the pan of boiling pea water was engulfed in flames! Real actual FLAMES! Dark orange, spitting, growing flames. Yikes!

So now I’m freaking out, right? I grab the pasta water and chuck it on the flames. Now everything is okay… just don’t tell my parents, I kinda don’t think they’d let me cook again. Hopefully they don’t notice the singe marks.

Besides that minor crisis, I was able to produce nice, rubbery noodles, a chunky Alfredo sauce and slightly overcooked peas. Yum!